toxic friendships online
While friendships and group bonds online & offline can offer us a sense of belonging through shared values and interests, they can also devolve into something deeper, fostering instead feelings of loneliness, stress and neglect. Friends ignoring our messages in group chats or leaving you undelivered can encourage feeling of insecurity and uncertainty. Voicing concerns could mean leaving the group but keeping one's authenticity, dignity, and self-worth however, staying could also mean that you lose part of your identity and are stifled in expressing yourself by those you consider to be friends.
In friendships of just two people, any conflicts are easier to manage. But as a third person is added and a group forms, complexity increases, thus multiplying the dynamics of closeness within direct and indirect relationships and making it harder to gauge if we're valued and if we value the friendships in return. Each additional person added to the group further complicates this and might cause the creation of sub-groups, further changing how individuals interact by the way group dynamics form.
Dominant personalities who may frequently find ways to gain control of or influence the group, may cause individuals within the group to either feel the need to take sides, talk privately, or wait for others to react. These are sometimes called Frenemies. Co-dependent friendships are an unhealthy, unbalanced relationship where friends rely excessively on the others for emotional support, validation, and even practical help or advice and this is made more accessible through the online world. Teens will often need approval from their group to do basic things like dress, what to eat and have to inform others of their whereabouts (for fear of the others thinking they are ignoring them). This can lead to a cycle of dependency, where friends can’t function independently, and the relationship becomes a source of stress and unhappiness.
What to do when a group suddenly feels overwhelming:
In friendships of just two people, any conflicts are easier to manage. But as a third person is added and a group forms, complexity increases, thus multiplying the dynamics of closeness within direct and indirect relationships and making it harder to gauge if we're valued and if we value the friendships in return. Each additional person added to the group further complicates this and might cause the creation of sub-groups, further changing how individuals interact by the way group dynamics form.
Dominant personalities who may frequently find ways to gain control of or influence the group, may cause individuals within the group to either feel the need to take sides, talk privately, or wait for others to react. These are sometimes called Frenemies. Co-dependent friendships are an unhealthy, unbalanced relationship where friends rely excessively on the others for emotional support, validation, and even practical help or advice and this is made more accessible through the online world. Teens will often need approval from their group to do basic things like dress, what to eat and have to inform others of their whereabouts (for fear of the others thinking they are ignoring them). This can lead to a cycle of dependency, where friends can’t function independently, and the relationship becomes a source of stress and unhappiness.
What to do when a group suddenly feels overwhelming:
- Step back to gain perspective. Take a deep breath and assess the situations when they arise before responding. Remember that relationships have their ups and downs. Be patient and calm and give the situation time to resolve itself.
- Be yourself. Have ownership over your life and be confident that you don’t need validation from others.
- Try to let your friends know that you are feeling left out or upset. There’s a good chance that as you communicate online, they’re not aware that they’ve hurt or upset you, or that they don’t realise how important it is to you to be included.
- Think about how to modify your reaction. Be careful not to exacerbate the situation by being standoffish or by blocking or removing yourself from the group. Think before you type – how will this be perceived?
- Don’t sit at home stalking them on social media. Expand your friendship circle so that you have other people to socialise with.
